Misadventures of Tu Lan Ming

Why We Cannot Fall in Love with Our Teachers

2011-11-10T09:43:00.007+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Yesterday I was clearing up my room and then I found this love letter that I sent to my Kindergarten teacher when I was still a little Ming Ming (小明明). At that time, I thought that my teacher would be the love of my life so I borrowed my lau peh's Parker Pen and then I wrote the first composition of my life...

But you see what happen?

In the end, my masterpiece come back become 满江红! And she didn't even give me the chance to tong pang her on my kah lah chia or let me clean the blackboard any more... Wah lau eh!?! (>.<)"

So the moral of the story is: If your English sama-sama my my broken Rojak market English, please don't kau the teacher. Maybe you got the better luck kau the mee see or the 空姐.

Chin GY leh... Sibeh jialat ah... (>.<)"

BMW also can get Menses

2011-10-08T23:14:00.004+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

I thought that only living things can kena menses... Then I saw this photograph online... This BMW licence plate covered with a piece of loh tee...

When the female driver was caught, she told the 警察叔叔 she use the loh tee because she know she will be speeding and did not want her photo to be snapped by the speed camera.

"This is the only thing I had; it's sticky, so it won't fall off," she said.

And you know how much she kena fined? 400 yuan (S$81.6)

For more details, click here... Steady lah!!! (^_^)y

Two Dollars Where Got Enough?

2011-10-07T22:41:00.003+08:00

Wah lau eh... 岂有此理!?! (>.<)"

The other day, I went to Yishun and then I saw this guy in a wheelchair macham very cham like that so I try to be ho sim and then give him two-dollars.

Photograph taken from AsiaOne website

Usually when you give money to beggars, they will either nod their head or say thank you but this one... Really steady lah... You know he tell me?

"Two dollars where got enough? Give five dollars lah!"

Wah lau eh!?! How can like that one? My teacher last time got tell me that beg is like humbly ask for something. He like that talk to me where got humble? More like he more sombong than humble lah...

Sekali I read from the AsiaOne website, this guy got kena S$660,000 TOTO in November last year one... Then he use his winnings to buy S$300,000 three-room flat in Ang Mo Kio, got car and expensive watch. He lagi richer than me... I still wearing my old Citizen watch leh... Got one time he even take out a S$1,000 note to buy kopi at the coffeeshop. So atas!

Like that he still need to come out and beg meh?

Anyway, next time you go to Yishun-Chompang area, just watch out for this guy lah... Hosay!~<3

DIY Fork

2011-09-28T21:28:00.000+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

The other day, one of my colleagues blanjah me eat the canned cocktail fruits.

He opened the can and then pass it to me. Then I asked him - how to eat? Use my hand or leg?

The guy went to his table and then take all the paper clips and make a fork for me...

Steady lah!!! (^_^)y

Road Rage Bentley Driver is Training for Street Fighter

2011-09-25T23:59:00.005+08:00

Wah lau eh!?! (>.<)"

I just read that the Bentley Driver in Road Rage Incident is RBS Exec and I think that everybody is just 大惊小怪 because they don't know the real story behind this case.

Madam Wang say she filter out of the Central Expressway (CTE) in her white Mercedes Benz into Braddell Road when a blue Bentley sekali cut into her lane and then zham brake, then she also bo pian need to zham brake.

Then an Ang Mor got out of the blue Bentley zhao chai and slammed his bare fist into her car windscreen. You see the photo? The windscreen all spiderweb already... The Ang Mor's punch sibeh power right?

Madam Wang also got say... "I was shocked by his behaviour and shocked that he could actually damage the windscreen using his bare hand. And I was afraid that he would hit me too."

They say this Ang Mor is RBS Head of Credit Structuring and Repackaging for Asia-Pacific., Mr Stefan Masuhr.

Actually, not many people know that Stefan Masuhr secret identity is really Ken Masters and he is training for the Street Fighter Tournament! And the reason why Stefan is so tulan is because he saw this video posted by Ryu on YouTube...

After he see the video, he sibeh hot... How can Ryu cheat and use the Yoga Fire and Yoga Flame? 岂有此理！See already he gwee pat thor hwei ah... And then sway-sway he kena cut lane by Madam Wang so he use her white Mercedes Benz as practice punching bag lor... Wah lau eh!?! (>.<)"

Flash What? EZ-Link Card ah?

2011-09-21T23:07:00.000+08:00

Wah lau eh!?! (>.<)"

My mother always say - eh jia eh pang - so after my makan session with my kawan-kawan, I went to the wash room to release pressure.

Then when I inside the cubicle I saw this sign... Ask me to flash before I leave wor...

Flash what wor? EZ-Link card ah?

Chin GY leh...

$35 for a Plate of Chicken Rice

2011-09-17T17:33:00.006+08:00

Wah lau eh 岂有此理!?!

My CEO wife come to Singapore again. So, as usual, I kena arrow to drive CEO 太太 around. Now my CEO got a new "idea" - he want to open a shop in maybe Orchard Road or some other shopping area and then let his daughter run it. He say that this is the best way to let her learn the ropes.

Wah lau eh!?! Open shop got to use rope one meh? The rope is for what? Put the Milo tin cash box one ah? Anyway, it's not my job to ask; just bring CEO 太太to see which shop is the most steady one then 下定金 and chiam miah.

By the lunch time, CEO 太太 already very hungry so ask me to bring her go the Chatterbox at Mandarin Orchard to eat the famous chicken rice.

You know people say, "一分钱，一分货" is real one... When the bill come, I almost kon kah kiau ah! You see the chicken rice smell so nice, looks so sedup but do you know how much for one set or not?

S$35.00 ok!

Don't play-play ah... If you ask me, I think I still prefer the S$2.00 one; maybe still got chance to win iPad2 leh! At the end of the makan, my tau kay soh just pay for the bill without even blinking... Sibeh steady lah!!! (^_^)y

Anyway, I got hear one customer complain why the chicken rice so expensive; last time S$17.50 but now almost double the price. Wah... I really think nowadays people very rich... S$17.50 also kum jia... Steady lah!!! (^_^)y

Anyway, for me, the makan is free so... Hosay!~<3

Office Depot Mascot

2011-08-17T22:33:00.001+08:00

Wah lau eh... 岂有此理!?!

The other day, one of my kawan-kawan ask me want to earn some extra money or not?

I, of course replied, something here inside, cannot be denied... My reply steady right? I learn from the karaoke one but you all don't think the hum sup ok?

I was talking about the wallet in my pocket... Empty liao so asking me to go out earn more money... Hahaha... Hosay!~<3

So anyway, I did the job but hor... Whole day long sure got people come and kacau my pencil.

Why ah? Chin GY leh... (>.<)"

Cathay Pacific Aircraft Sex

2011-08-07T23:59:00.000+08:00

Wah lau eh!?! (>.<)"

I thought this type of thing only happen in the porn movie but now Cathay Pacific (Hong Kong) said it had launched a "full investigation" into photos showing their flight attendant doing the oral sex on a pilot aboard an aircraft.

Of course the photos not the guan chng one... All kena the mosaic, just like the Japanese porn like that; several pixellated photos of the flight attendant doing the 吹喇叭 act on the pilot were published in Hong Kong Chinese-language media. Sibeh happening sia! No wonder last time my Ah kong advised me to become a pilot. Why I never listen to him? Wah lau eh!?! (>.<)"

For more details, click here.

Drunk Father Lets 8-year-old Son Drive Pick-up Truck

2011-08-03T23:34:00.003+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

This guy really steady lah!!!

First, he go lim jiu, he bring his son along... What you trying to prove? You want to teach your son to become the next mabuk king is it? 8 years old only leh... Hello? Siao ah?

Then, after he chwee already, he just slept in his pick-up truck and let his 8 year-old son drive it on a southeast Louisiana highway.

Some more ah... his 4 year-old daughter was in the back seat!

This type of father really chin GY leh... Wah lau eh!?! (>.<)"

What's Your Price?

2011-08-02T17:08:00.005+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Just now one of my kawan-kawan show me a photo of this sibeh swee, sibeh leng, sibeh chio girl and then ask me how much I want to pay for the Ice Breaker?

At first, I thought this one is like the Sharon Stone movie, the girl will take the pokey-pokey ice breaker thingy to prick people...

So of course I say I don't want lah! Sekali he tell me this is a real online site where "'generous' members offer from US$20 (S$24) to even US$1,000 for a date and the 'attractive' ones can then either accept or decline the offer."

I look at the site... Wah! Sibeh steady lah!!! Got Forbes, got Time, got NBC, ABC and even Playboy leh! Wah!!! Join this site can jio the Playboy Bunny Girl go out kai-kai leh!

But... Everything has got the price one so is like no money, no talk lah!

At first I think Ang Mors nowadays have very good money-making ideas... Sekali my kawan-kawan tell me that the founder of this web site is actually Brandon Wey, a Singapore-born 40-year-old now migrated to the US...

Singaporean... No wonder lah... Hosay!~<3

BK Chicken Vs Angry Girlfriend

2011-07-25T23:59:00.004+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

I wonder if anybody can still remember this guy got caught on video kena hantum jialat-jialat by his girlfriend repeatedly on him ding-dong bells? If you cannot, then maybe you want to read my previous posting "Don't Make Girl Lexus Driver Tu Lan ".

This two people so famous that even Peter Chao, who is in Canada, also talk about the angry Lexus Girl in his video blog, "Chinese Guy is WHIPPED !"

Now, almost two years later, Burger King also got something to say about them. Just watch this clip below lah... Hahaha... Hosay!~<3

Hahaha... Never chicken out... With the King, you can... Steady lah!!! (^_^)y

You Want to Sit in My Class? Get an iPad!

2011-07-24T10:54:00.000+08:00

Wah lau eh... 岂有此理!?!

My friend tell me her daughter just called her from Shanghai and told her that her university lecturer told the class, "You want to sit in my class? Get an iPad!"

According to her daughter, Mr Henry Liang, who teaches finance in English at the Shanghai Maritime University, issued this notice on his microblog last Friday: "In next semester, all tests and resources will be presented in iPad format only."

Mr Henry Liang says that "iPad represents the latest trend and superiority, so do my chosen students," he wrote. If you don't have one, take part-time work to buy one; if you cannot earn merely 4,000 yuan (S$750) in the two-month summer vacation, you are not suitable to learn finance or be my students."

He also ordered men to wear suits and women to wear simple make-up in class to prepare themselves for their future jobs in the finance industry. This guy is Hitler in the making... Steady lah!!! (^_^)y

So now, my friend kan cheong want to either send money to her daughter in Shanghai or buy an iPad here and ship it back to Shanghai...

But I think this lecturer like that say also bueh gum... Cos he like that say macham look down on the poor although some admire his unusual teaching methods.

Internet user Koralle, who claimed to have attended Mr Liang's class and lectures, told Shanghai Daily: "He is a rare good teacher with his own thoughts, though he is sometimes very radical."

After kena complain, Mr Liang got change his microblog ID and deleted the posts. But he also wrote this: "iPad will still be brought into classroom. Formal wears are still required. I still keep all my opinions as yesterday. Nothing changes! You can claim victory in tongue, but nothing more." (sic)

When Shanghai Daily contacted the teacher on Monday, what he said differed from what he had posted online.

He said: "I deleted some posts because I realised that I used some inappropriate words. I wrote in English because I only want my students to read it. It's not for the public. I don't care about their criticism.

I am not studying in the Shanghai Maritime University so I no comment but if my friend's daughter look like the girl in the photograph, I pass her the iPad 2 that I will win from the Chicken Rice Lucky Draw lah... Hosay!~<3

Eat $2 Chicken Rice, Win iPad 2

2011-07-23T22:25:00.000+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

It's real one ok? Genuine stuff, cannot bluff... Just now I went to the 2nd Street Cafeteria at Block 970A Toa Payoh North to makan the chicken rice and I saw them put this sign say that you "Simply buy Chix Rice @ $2 and win iPad 2"... Steady lah!!! (^_^)y

And it's not the cheapo, entry models ok? What they are giving away is iPad 2 64GB with Wi-Fi and 3G (selling at $1,108 at Apple stores).

After I buy the chicken rice, they give me a feedback form, ask me to complete and then attach the receipt.

So for today, I be a good son, brother, nephew, colleague and worker, etc. I buy many-many packets of the Chicken Rice and give to all my kawan-kawans... Altogether I think spend about S$1,106; still $2 cheaper than buying an iPad 2 from the Apple Store and I got 553 chances of winning wor... Hosay!~<3

They say the price of the chicken rice will revert to the regular price of $3 on Aug 1. Eat more, got more chances of winning leh...

So who want to join me for lunch? Tomorrow last day, you know?

Steady lah!!! (^_^)y

Getting Pregnant is a Disease

2011-07-22T00:52:00.003+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Got one of my kawan-kawan say I seldom read books will become 孤陋寡闻 so she recommend that I go to the library and borrow books to read.

When I saw the book on the shelf then I realise why so many of my friends don't want to have children...

No wonder lah... Getting pregnant is a disease... Wah lau eh!?!

Like that how to have more children in the future?

Sibeh jialat ah...

China Superman

2011-07-21T02:00:00.003+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Now most of the super heroes are ang mor... All this will change very soon and we will have China Superman liao.

This is because Pow! Entertainment, founded by legendary comic book hero creator Stan Lee, will introduce the superhero genre to China, through Magic Storm Entertainment.

As we all know, Lee is most famous for co-creating some of the world's best-known heroes including Spiderman, Iron Man, X-Men and the Incredible Hulk.

So very soon, we the Asian people, will have 是白的 Man and Siapa Man saving the world before bedtime... Steady lah!!! (^_^)y

How Can We Forget SJW37E?

2011-07-20T23:45:00.000+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Already so many months since 30 January 2010 but still got many people comment about this video on YouTube, Hardwarezone and other forums.

I also steady-steady mai su so I post on my blog, let all my kawan-kawans enjoy...

This drive Jaguar Uncle is really my 偶像 because he speak English vocabulary very steady lah... Chia bai ka yee xia...

Steady lah!!! (^_^)y

Jonal Chong, Where are You?

2011-07-19T21:13:00.010+08:00

Wah lau eh... 岂有此理!?!

Today my CEO and his wife come to Singapore so I kena arrow to drive CEO 太太 to Orchard Central hair salon because she got buy this S$4,280 package.

When we arrived at the shop, we saw this peh chua orh jee pasted on the shutters say that landlord already repossessed the shop since Friday.

Siao liao lor... Mrs CEO sibeh tulan scold in English what "ridiculous", what "unacceptable" and other words I also don't know how to spell one lah...

If for me, I kena like that, I will just accept that I sibeh sueh and then maybe go Food Court eat the Lek Tao Tng but Mrs CEO say that consumers have their rights and Mr Jonal Chong is in the wrong so she go to the Far East Organization office and get Jonal Chong's contact number then ask me to call his number until his handphone bao char.

Call sai lah... Both the telephone numbers disconnected liao but Mrs CEO still bueh song, ask me go and check with Telco when the numbers disconnected and what is Jonal Chong home address.

Wah lau eh!?! I am only a Dispatch Rider and only today I 客串 as a Personal Driver, how I know all this kind of thing? She really think I am the 私家侦探 or the Inspector Gadget ah? Really see me got up lah... Hosay!~<3

So anyway, Telco only got say that the lines bo liao but say cannot reveal Jonal Chong address because is confidential but Mrs CEO say she still bueh song, want to complain him until he jialat-jialat.

Mrs CEO never do her hair today so she really very tulan; I actually want to buy ice-cream eat one but bo pian have to drive her back to the office and meet up with Mr CEO.

When we reach the office, my manager say that this Jonal Chong last time kena exposed for photoshop himself stand next to Nicole Kidman one. Say this 48-year-old orang papak chao ah gua very kay siao one, say he kena wan ong and other people 冤枉 him because the large poster in his salon is really him posing with Nicole Kidman in 2002 at the premiere of "Birth" in London.

After Mrs CEO hear this, she lagi pek chek so in the end, I got to send her to CASE to complain.

Sekali when we reach the CASE, we found out that she is not the only one complain Jonal Chong Hair Couture; at least three other complaints liao!

The complainants say that they had signed up for expensive packages with the salon because they thought that Jonal Chong was Nicole Kidman's hairstylist. Wah lau eh!?! Siao lah... Better say that he is Lady Gaga's hairstylist lor...

Anyway, kao peh kao bu also not my money so... Hosay!~<3

You Can Pay Me Renminbi

2011-07-18T13:56:00.000+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

I saw this Sell Ice-cream Uncle at poh tueh (坡底) put this sign, say can pay him in Renminbi (RMB) if buy ice-cream from him. He even give the exchange rate leh... Quite choon some more... Steady lah!!! (^_^)y

Got so many flavours - red bean, durian and even sweet corn! Can put in a small cute-cute cup, in a loh tee or between biscuit wafers. Hosay!~<3

Saturday Long Chia

2011-07-17T13:27:00.001+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

On Saturday, one of my kawan-kawan stay in Choa Chu Kang one sekali call me, ask me help him buy 4D numbers; say very important. After he give me the four sets of 4D numbers, he hung up the phone.

I thought where he sekali got the inspiration to buy so many numbers until I saw this report on the AsiaOne web site... Wah lau eh!?! Sibeh jia lat ah...

According to the web site, a motorist lang gah into a woman pedestrian and three parked cars in a car park.

The accident was so jia lat it set off the cars' alarms and shocked the residents. My kay poh kawan must be one of them lah! I know his car never kena because he don't have a car! (He only have kah lah chia but he always tell the KTV 小姐 he drive BMW... Hahaha... Hosay!~<3)

Got one witness told the Wanbao that a black Toyota Camry hoo leng kan charged into the car park entrance and then went up the pedestrian's pathway before it lang gah into the parked cars. The impact was so jia lat that the black Toyota's right wheel also fly off ah! Wah... Damn drama lah... Macham Jacky Chan movie like that!

But poor thing lah... Kor lian dai... The woman who kena lang gah by the Camry suffered from brain injuries and sent to National University Hospital is in a coma... I really hope she will be ok soon lah...

Anyway... The driver of the Toyota Camry driver is a 24-year-old char bor... Expected right? She say she wanted to overtake a bus so she sped up but then she lost control of her car then she long chia... What a mess...

Chin GY leh...

Chengdu Zoo “Escaped Tiger” Training Exercise

2011-07-14T23:44:00.004+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

The Sichuan-Chengdu Zoo had a training exercise on 2nd June 2011... It was a simulation of their Siberian Tigers escaping from their cages, with zoo workers working together with forestry police conducting an emergency response. Please see photograph below...

I see already, don't know want to laugh or cry... Wah lau eh!?! They really use Tigger for their simulation exercise lor... Steady lah!!! (^_^)y

How I am wondering where are Pooh Bear and Piglet leh... Hahaha... Hosay!~<3

Street Fight Education

2011-07-11T22:18:00.006+08:00

Wah lau eh... 岂有此理!?!

Now China got this video show a little girl hantum her younger cousin with her father at the side filming it and then "加油-ing" her... This one really "good" family education man... Hosay!~<3

Mr Lan Jianguo, the girl's father, is from Cangzhou City, Hebei Province.

In an interview, he told reporters that the boy is his nephew and he was just teaching him "how to defend his dignity from childhood". What a good uncle man... Must learn from him... Hosay!~<3

The boy's mother, Lan's elder sister, never object to the fight but also agree with Lan's education method.

She said that the fight changed her son's personality and now her son is no longer a hum chee coward and his classmates showed him more respect.

Steady lah!!! Like that win already lor...

Fuel Cover Replacement

2011-06-15T20:00:00.001+08:00

Wah lau eh... 岂有此理!?!

The other day, don't know what happened, my fuel cover sekali lost so I went to the car workshop to ask for repair quotations.

Wah... I didn't know one small piece of fuel cover so expensive leh so I asked him got anything cheaper or not.

My mechanic told me got very cheap solution. Only 20 cents...

Good replacement, right?

Steady lah!!!

New iPod?

2011-06-08T19:16:00.000+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

My brother went to China last week and he got me this brand new iPod. Very steady right? It plays this thing cassette tapes... Bet you never see these kind of things before right?

Anyway, the China sales girl also got tell my brother that since this iPod is very state-of-the-art so a bit difficult to find the cassette tapes to record our mp3 except for places like Indonesia, Vietnam and the Philippines. I'm so excited... Steady lah!!!

Why Headphones are the Most Steady Invention... Ever!

2011-06-01T18:49:00.003+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

The other night we all go downstairs the neighbourhood kopitiam kwee neng kee again with the usual suspects then we have this discussion on which invention is the best of the best.

Of course got some chiko peh kawan say what dodo thingy is very power; then got some say iPhone because now he can see his cheena girlfriend when she go back Hubei. Giot one brother say iPad is the best because now he can cut the sushi like a ninja.

Er... Ninja job is cut sushi meh?

Anyway, we all TCSS whole night... Then finally, we all agree: Headphones are the most steady invention... Ever... Hosay!~<3

I also Want to be Insurance Salesman

2011-05-24T11:34:00.003+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

What will your boss give you if you hit your target?

An iPhone? A laptop? A holiday? A car?

Got this Ergo insurance company in Hungary rewarded its best salesmen with orgy leh... And not it is not just go bang-bang with cheap, roadside prostitutes but those high-class ones from Budapest's famous art nouveau Gellert Baths leh! Sibeh high standard one ok?

From what I read, about 100 of their top salesmen were invited to go orgy.

Wow! At the party, kena served by at least 20 chio bu - all wear bikini or very little (or nothing at all)... Sibeh shiok ah!

Anyway, my friend tell me that prostitution is legal in Hungary and Germany so steady lah for them, no need to scared mata come and tan kup them or give them free "Rolex" wear...

Don't think this story is I anyhow say one ok... I steady-steady read from AP via the Daily Chilli one... So if anybody know how to interview for this job, please tell me ok? I also want to interview... Huat ah!

Hosay!~

Fight between Etoile FC and Hougang

2011-05-23T23:15:00.008+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Just now, one of my kawan-kawan jio me go and watch football match. He say what - must support local, don't always "Glory Glory Man United" so ok lor, I follow him to Hougang Stadium to watch S-League game. He say this match is very exciting one because it is between defending champions Etoile FC and Hougang United.

He was not wrong about the match being exciting because even before the "kick off", both teams started to piah during the warm-up session!

Wah lau eh!?! Yesterday, the action macham 古惑仔 gang fight like that; got players chasing one another and even some players rushing onto the terraces. Steady lah!!!

At first, got one Etoile player went to the Hougang side of the football pitch to pick up a ball that was accidentally kicked there. Then the player talked to the Hougang side player and don't know what suddenly they tulan and started shouting then a scuffle then broke out between them.

Wah! Really is WWE standard fight because got one Hougang player even wanted to swing a chair at one of his opponents but unfortunately kena restrained... Wasted lah... Wah lau eh!?!

After about eight minutes, bo hee kuah liao because the referee sent both teams back to their own locker rooms... What a waste man...

Somebody even say the new Hougang MP, Yaw Shin Leong was also in the stands... MP come and watch sio pah... Hosay!~

Anyway, I already told my kawan; next time got S-League match, must jio me again. Who knows? Maybe this time got Undertaker come leh?

Steady lah!!!

Helping the Elderly?

2011-04-20T00:49:00.004+08:00

Wah lau eh... 岂有此理!?!

Like that also can meh? Recently, one of my kawan-kawan go back to his hometown in Guilin City, China and took a photo of this sculpture erected along Zhongyin Road, called “Helping the Elderly” .

The inscription below the sculpture got say (sic) “Wife on the left, daughter-in-law on the right - the moral is of family harmony, harmonious co-existence, supporting each other, respecting and loving the elderly”.

Actually I also think 敬老尊贤 is a very good thing but you see this photo carefully or not?

Wah lau eh!?! First of all, the Ah Peh is naked! Secondly, the wife and the daughter-in-law also naked! Thirdly, the two ladies look almost the same age... And naked! Oops! I say "naked" already ah? Wah lau eh!?!

I also very blur lah... Help the elderly must be naked one meh? Must the elderly and/or the helpers be naked to have "harmonious co-existence"? The two ladies cannot wear clothes and help the elderly meh? Somemore, I see the Ah Peh look so sexcited... You see his 得意忘形 face and his...... This sculpture look more like family-incest-porn from 金瓶梅 than helping the elderly lor...

Then again ah... Next time when I become Ah Peh jee kee, I also want my daughter in-law to come and help me when I want to pang jio, pang sai... My wife can also come and tolong but I think I would prefer my wife keep her clothes on lah... Steady lah!!!

Anyway, I must thank my kawan-kawan and also thank Guangyuan International Community for erecting this steady pom pee pee sculpture... Hosay!~

Angry Bird in Train

2011-04-12T00:01:00.001+08:00

Wah lau eh... 岂有此理!?!

This girl and her piggy friend think they making Angry Bird MTV ah? Keep on kee ge leh kyo... So irritating... I think the other people on the train very patient; if for me, I betol-betol sepak her jialat-jialat... This girl Angry Bird ah? I lagi angry ah...

Anyway, if you want to see the kee ge leh kyo video of the girl posted by STOMPer skyy can click here but personally, I still prefer to watch the following version... Lagi cute, lagi best... Hosay!~

Man Put Gun to My Head...

2011-04-11T22:32:00.015+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

So drama leh... I thought this one is the 英雄本色 storyline but this thing really happen in real life leh... Steady lah!!!

Mr Peter Tan say that, about 6pm, when the train about to reach Gemas Railway Station in Negeri Sembilan, sekali got a guy wear sunglasses with a gun come into their carriage. For the full story, can click here and read from AsiaOne web site... Sibeh exciting leh...

If you think I bluff you one, you see the YouTube clip yourself lor... Got the vintage Chow Yuen Fatt burn the US Dollar because he need to light his cigarette; then have Ti Lung 宝刀未老 as his 老大... Also got Leslie Cheung sing the theme song... Sibeh drama, sibeh hosay!~

Anyway, that Peter also got say he very tulan after he found out it an exercise... Maybe he will follow the Chow Yun Fatt pattern in the clip above and tekan the next guy who try to point gun at his head... Steady lah!!!

DBS Cash Withdrawal Minimum

2011-04-07T00:05:00.003+08:00

Wah lau eh!?! 岂有此理!?!

I thought tomorrow want to blanjah my colleague eat the Vegetarian food so I went to draw money at the DBS ATM in AMK Hub... Sekali I saw the minimum amount...

$200 ah!?! Wah lau eh!?! I where got so much money inside? At the most I think chek-chek ka liao, I only have $22.95... Sibeh jialat ah... Like that, no need to withdraw money liao lor... Hosay!~

How Come My New iPhone No Apple?

2011-04-06T22:10:00.009+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

My friend kai siao me go and buy cheap iPhone 4 because he say that shop want to cheng hueh clear stock so everything must go cheap-cheap-cheap.

I hear already so lunch time I went and see lor... Wah seh!?! Really very cheap wor... But because I never bring out so much money, I only buy one set.

On my way back to office, while riding my kup chai, I was thinking: if I had more money, I sure to buy more sets because really very cheap wor...

Then, bang kang si kan, I went to find Aunty Nelly to hao lian to her my new iPhone 4... Who ask her always say she got iPhone 3GS; now I got iPhone 4 ah... Lagi power...

When I show her the box, she also think I keo teo - this one nap shot, confirm + guarantee is good buy. I see her 心服口服 face... Priceless lah...

Sekali Aunty Nelly, opened the box, took the iPhone 4 out, turned it around and then ask me:

"How come your iPhone 4 behind no 'i' and no apple logo one?"

Wah lau eh!?! Sibeh jialat ah...

Handphone Lock

2011-04-05T23:59:00.000+08:00

Wah lau eh... 岂有此理!?!

Everybody also know that my handphone keep on rosak and then need to send to service centre for repair. But when my handphone at the service centre, I use what phone to make my calls?

But lucky for me, I got this very good kawan-kawan willing to lend me his spare phone but one one condition... Must use phone lock...

Steady lah!!! This type of tua leng kong phone some more come with leather carrier and phone lock - altogether weigh at least a few kilograms... Like that I ask my friend to seng kee lai better lah... I think I better use public phone to call instead...

Chin GY leh...

JJ Lin Happening Performance

2011-04-04T00:25:00.003+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Last time my friend ask me watch the JJ Lin concert, I thought "what so good to see this 小白脸?"

Now then I know I am wrong because his concert is really happening one! Don't believe ah? See the photo below lah... Steady right?

In his performance, JJ got kiss his partner Lina on the lips... Touch-touch her tua kah twee and then bury his face in her neh neh poks... Steady lah!!!

Who got JJ Lin concert tickets? I also want to go and watch... Hosay!~

Wuhan University Girl Proposes to Guy

2011-04-03T23:51:00.005+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Like this also can ah? Sibeh jialat leh... Got one of my kawan-kawan in China tell me that this is true story at Wuhan University.

Got one girl put the signs "Me Marry" on a red Volkswagen Polo and then stand on top it with a bouquet of roses. I thought maybe this char bor don't know Grammar like me but then my China kawan-kawan tell me that in China is read from right-to-left, not left-to-right... Orh... Say so lah! Wah lau eh!?!

Anyway, I am wondering how come this girl quite chio but so "desperate" to marry the guy must propose in public? This guy got what thing so 与众不同, make her 神魂颠倒 leh? Really must learn from him lah...

Hosay!~

LCD Broken

2011-02-19T22:55:00.001+08:00

Wah lau eh... 岂有此理!?!

My netbook LCD rosak so I bo pian ask my friend to help me repair. Kawan-kawan so I thought he will charge me lesser. Sekali he tell me that he help me save money so never order the original spare parts.

Some more, he tell me that the repairs are FREE!

Whoever hear the word FREE, sure feel sexcited one, including me so when he tell me no need to pay him any money, I borrow money take taxi rush to his house.

When I reach his place I kek sim lah... See my beautiful Netbook now become what? Susah hati lah you know... My Netbook now from swee swee boh zhao chwee become this Frankenstein... Heartbreak Hotel lah...

Chin GY leh...

Valentine's Day Heartbreak

2011-02-14T23:59:00.002+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

They say Valentine's Day is a day for boyfriend-girlfriend, hold hands happily but it is a sad day for people no boyfriend or no girlfriend.

Who say so? Even if you have a boyfriend or if you have a girlfriend, Valentine's Day can also be a sad day... Just like these three people in the video clip below... Sibeh jialat ah...

First of all, the girl in blue very cham because her boyfriend bluff her that he got overtime but then he go kia-kia with another girl on Valentine's day. When she saw him with another girl, she went to confront the boyfriend. Then she pek chek, kee siao and start to hantum the boyfriend.

Wah!!! The boyfriend quite ko lian... Just stand there like a hen-pecked gong hum, kena pushed, kena shoved and kena whoot by the angry (ex) girlfriend, never do anything. She so fierce, don't let him drink from plastic bottle, no wonder he want to break up with her lah... She don't know that baby drink the neh-neh also in plastic bottles meh?

Then again, I think the boyfriend also very kiap pah because he also never make a very clear decision... He act very 优柔寡断, ai-mai-ai-mai and the only words he can say to his (ex) girlfriend is, "I think I don't need to explain to you?"

Wah lau eh!?! Just tell the girl in blue, "I don't want you already; I want this ang tao mor girl because red-haired girls more happening and she let me drink the neh-neh from plastic bottles... Steady lah!!!"

Instead, for the whole clip, he just stand there like a goondu, never say anything to defend his new girlfriend or make any 行动, like one big gong hum char tau like that...

But I think the most 无辜 one is the red-haired girl because she keep on asking the guy, "Who is she?" Go out with a guy but did not know that he was dating another girl for two years already. Anyway, I also think she's the most zhai among the three of them because she just tell the guy to walk away... Steady lah!!!

What a happening Valentine's night at Somerset MRT Station...

R(A) Toy Store?

2011-02-13T21:06:00.000+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

One of my kawan-kawan say want to buy present for his nephew so he ask me to follow him to the shopping centre today.

When I walk past the "Barbie" section, guess what I see? Wah lau eh!?! This one macham "Spring Break Barbie" like that leh, lift up her bikiki and straight away let you see her neh neh poks...

I thought today is Sunday so maybe try my luck buy 4D but after see plastic Barbie show me her plastic neh neh, how to kena 4D like that?

Sibeh jialat ah...

Obama Uses BlockBerry So Should You!

2011-02-12T21:46:00.006+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

One of my Facebook kawan-kawan got post on his wall; when his telco contract finish already, what phone to buy? When he say all the different phones, I also blur lah...

But, when I saw this China advertisement, I think my friend, The Niz salah already lah... Why settle for any other phone? We should all use the phone that the 44th American President Barack Obama use... The BlockBerry!

BlockBerry sibeh tok kong one ok... Got WiFi, got 内建 GPS, Bluetooth and runs on Windows Mobile. Some more, it comes in many colours too!

Steady right? So what are you waiting for? Hosay!~

My Former Secondary School is a Porn Site

2011-02-11T13:17:00.006+08:00

Wah lau eh... 岂有此理!?!

My kawan-kawan say Junyuan Secondary School web site just kena upgraded, got many new things to see. So on Wednesday night, I happy-happy go click-click the URL www.junyuansec.net/ to take a walk down the memory lane lah...

But there is no memory lane there! Instead of seeing my 老学校 and all my 老师 (I call them lao shi but Inever say them lau char bor ok?), I saw many young chio bu all wear sexy clothes; some of them even never wear any clothes!

Wah lau eh!?! What happening sia? How come my former school web site become porn forum leh? Sibeh jialat ah... I always tell my kawan-kawans that that Junyuan Secondary is a good school, now kena like this so pai seh leh... I don't know how many people got see this site... Wah lau eh!?!

Lucky I never go and khong piah straight away; I go and check with AsiaOne Web Site and found out that the website kena hacked and replaced with a pornographic site. Heng ah... I thought my principal and teachers......

But one thing not so heng is that got one STOMPer called John very keen kah keen chew posted some of the screenshots of the porn site on STOMP liao...

Today I go and check again, everything is ok liao; even got photo of my 师妹 get the All-round Excellence Award... Hosay!~

But anyway, I now still a bit tu lan because I never expect them to correct the lapse so face; when I go in the site on Wednesday, I forgot to copy down the contact so now cannot see any more swee char bor... Wah lau eh!?! Chin GY leh...

Ah Tiong Void Deck Reunion Dinner Part 2

2011-02-02T22:41:00.006+08:00

Wah lau eh... 岂有此理!?!

If you got read my Ah Tiong Void Deck Reunion Dinner Part 1, you sure think: how come Tu Lan Ming will know what the Ah Tiong eat? Is it the Ah Tiong got invite Tu Lan Ming to eat or maybe Tu Lan Ming share-share his 香肠 with the 小龙女?

If you see the photo on the left then you will know what the Ah Tiongs had for their Void Deck Reunion Dinner lor...

I really pity the Ah Neh uncle who has to clear up the smelly mess these inconsiderate Ah Tiong made omorrow morning lor...

Once again must thank these 害群之马 Ah Tiong that make we all so tulan with the rest of the innocent Ah Tiong here in Singapore... 恭喜发财... Hosay!~

Ah Tiong Void Deck Reunion Dinner Part 1

2011-02-02T22:14:00.005+08:00

Wah lau eh... 岂有此理!?!

Last time the void deck is we all kawan-kawan meet up TCSS 的好地方... Now is also Ah Tiong makan Reunion Dinner venue.

Just see this three 好兄弟 (and I am not talking about Seth Rogen-Jay Chou bromance here) sitting around, poon leng and talking in their China accent after their sibeh ho jia home cooked Cheena meal.

From what I could see, they got fish, got soup, got crabs and lots of other bull...

Actually I am not anti-Ah Tiong or racist but if you look at Ah Tiong Void Deck Reunion Dinner Part 2, you will know why I am so tulan already... Wah lau eh!?!

Gu Wak Zai Versus Defenseless Dog

2011-01-24T21:55:00.005+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Just now got one kawan-kawan send this clip of this tattooed gu wak zai (蛊惑仔) beat up his "toy" dog. I see already sibeh tulan and sad... I am very tulan because whatever wrong it did, the defenseless dog also don't deserve up to 15 minutes of beating from this "hero" lor... If he so beng then maybe he should jio somebody his size or maybe enter the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) - like that then more hero lah... Beat up a defenseless dog? Lame!

And you know what is lamer? His girlfriend (can hear her calling him "dear" in the background) take video of his 英雄史 and upload to YouTube... Steady lah Goondu!

I am also sad for his girlfriend because if he can tekan the little doggie so jialat-jialat, who knows, one day he may get angry with his girlfriend and then use HER as a punching bag. By then who will take the video and post on YouTube? The dog maybe? Pity her lah... Either she bo leong sim or she bo bak chew... Either way... Sibeh jialat ah...

Wait... Wait and Wait Somemore...

2011-01-15T14:53:00.001+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

I got driver duty again because today got OT at the office and then this time got our Malaysia colleagues also campur and help us.

So, because everybody skipped lunch, I went to Tampines to tah pow food for everybody in the office. At first I went to tah pow Vegetarian food. Then I went to Block 201 to buy Indian Rojak for our Muslim kawan-kawans at the office.

When I reach the stall, I could not find any tongs to pick the food so I look left, look right, look up and look down, trying to find one of the stall helpers to help me.

But all of them too busy idling.

So I waited...

When I finally got one to help me, he ask one of the stall helpers for it. You know what he ask me to do? He ask me come into the cooking area and take one by myself... Wah lau eh!?! Sibeh jialat ah... How can like this one?

After one of the (busy relak one corner) helpers pass me the tongs, I selected the food and put on the counter for 'busy' stall helpers to attend to me.

Again I waited...

After a short wait of about 10 minutes, one of the stall helpers asked me if I want to makan there or take away. I told him I want to "take away" then I use my big, fat hands to make the tah pow action for him to see. The stall helper nodded his head and then ask me, "Abang, where you sit ah?"

Wah lau eh!?! Like this also can ah?

After explaining to him that I want to packet and take away the food, he put the food at the counter for his colleague to pack it up for me.

So I waited... Again...

Then, got another family order Rojak from another stall helper so the 'new' stall helper push my order aside and then deep fry the family order first... Wah lau eh!?!

He came back, packed up my food into a plastic bag. Eh? No need to deep fry meh? So I asked the guy why mine no need to deep-fry but the family one got deep fry. You know what he say? Because mine bring home; so I can ask my mummy to deep fry... This type of service really hosay!~

I in a hurry so I bo heu lah so I asked for extra chilli sauce. Wah lau eh!?! This guy give me a thirty-cent face then say loud-loud, "Hello Uncle, you order so little and then you want so much sauce ah?"

Then he asked me to pay... This time, no need to way... Hosay!~

Ip Aunt

2011-01-06T15:43:00.003+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

You people got watch the movie Ip Man and Ip Man 2 right? Now got Ip Aunt... Who is Ip Aunt? Wah lau eh!?! You don't know ah? Norh... She's the aunty who use the 连环拳 chain attack to chase the Afro-American char bor down the bus... Hosay!~

After I watch the video, I am so scared to take bus, especially when I see big-sized aunty (if she speak Cantonese, even worse!) Sekali she not happy then she use the 连环拳 chain attack to hantum me then I bo pian have to alight from the bus. Worse... In my hurry, I forgot to "tap out" then I pay full fare for nothing liao... Sibeh jialat ah!

Breast Education

2010-12-24T23:02:00.002+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

I today got nothing to do then I go to the YouTube to watch MTV then I see this video... Wah lau eh!?! Sibeh jialat leh... Got this kind of "education" one meh? See already know is another talking cock video lah... Anyway, all talk English one, a bit hard for me to understand lah...

Lucky for me, like all videos, got picture for me to see. After I see the video, I think that since that kind of boh standard shor hai can find a char bor, so can I... Hosay!~

Banana Republic?

2010-11-24T16:16:00.003+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

The other day Yemen beach volleyball team lose then they say cheer leaders too sexy so they concentrate on the wrong ball. That's why they lose. sExcuses only lah... Wah lau eh!?!

Now Team Singapore use the banana tactic to make the competition blur. You don't believe me then see photo below.

Team Singapore got style right? Maybe their swimwear is sponsored by GAP...... What you all think ah? Steady or not? Better than their all black swimming trunks they wear last time right?

I know sure got some people will write in complain one; even Dick Lee also say that Singaporeans famous for complaining... Oops! I forgot it's called feedback lah... Hosay!~

What I know is... After they appear in those swimming trunks, the banana at my downstairs NTUC all sold out; don't care whether is pisang raja, pisang tanduk or pisang ambon... Everything suma out of stock! Sibeh ho business ah... Steady lah!!!

Let's go Team Singapore!!!

Marriage Cancelled - Permanently

2010-11-20T23:09:00.000+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Many people know that I am about to get married to the most beautiful, most sexy, most intelligent girl in the world. The night before our wedding, my wife-to-be sent me this sexy video clip as a wedding present.

So... The wedding called off liao... I will not be return the wedding presents and there will be NO REFUNDS as I will use the money for her funeral.

Thank you hor... Hosay!~

What Hair?

2010-11-19T22:51:00.004+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

The other day got some kawan-kawan comment that my hair very long already, need to cut then they ask me go to the hair dresser.

Ok lah... People give me constructive criticism, I must accept right? So, even though I am not in my home country (I was overseas), I steady poon pee pee one... I left the hotel and took a slow walk to the nearest barber.

Then, I decided: Better go back home then cut hair... You want, you go cut yourself; don't afterwards people ask me why I got cock hairstyle?

Wah lau eh!?! Sibeh jialat ah...

Hoot University

2010-11-18T01:20:00.002+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Now I know that there is a place to study to become a better society member. At Hoot U got teach practical skills help us make money and even have special guest come and give lecture leh...

Kuah simi lunchbox? Want to kuah just kuah the video below lah... Hosay!~

They also have excursions - the lecturer bring all the students out of practical training leh... Sibeh hosay lah!

Bouncing Ball so Lose at Volleyball

2010-11-17T22:14:00.006+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Today Straits Times Online got report that some competitors at the Asian Games 2010 (held in Guangzhou) complain about the cheerleaders wear sexy-sexy, pang puah liap give people see then very hard to concentrate.

Yemen beach volleyballer Adeeb Mahfoudh told the Tianfu Morning News on Wednesday, "They had an effect on how we played. I think they had something to do with our losing the match."

The Yemeni men's team lost their Tuesday clash to an apparently more focused team from Indonesia, the paper said.

That guy like that say then Indonesian team see already why no effect? Chin GY!?! Can play ball means can play ball; cannot play ball means cannot play ball - so easy they don't understand meh? Why must push the blame on the cheerleaders' bouncing balls?

Oops! Paiseh...

Anyway, Mahfoudh also told AFP that he hope to see the cheerleaders perform again at the next match... Wah lau eh!?! Super contradiction lor... Chin GY leh!?!

Potong Saga

2010-11-16T15:34:00.002+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

I think I posted this before but I see again today, think it's worth posting again lah... Good things must repeat again and again and again teo boh? Hosay!~

Music on the Bus

2010-11-15T16:02:00.003+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

My kup chai in the motor tiam so bo pian today take bus. Actually take bus also very interesting one leh... Don't believe? You see this clip lah...

Wah lau eh!?! Macham TCS drama like that... Two HDB aunties shout here, shout there... Keep on repeating the word "lan"... I feel like telling them my name also got "lan" but I think I better keep quiet or wait sekali they 双剑合并 whack me then I really lan lan... Got one saying, kiang teo ho, mai kai kiang...

Next time I take bus must make sure my phone charge full batt then can video-tape HDB tai tai in action... Hosay!~

Must Watch News

2010-09-07T21:13:00.003+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Last time when I was a small boy, my father every time ask me watch News but I think: News where got nice to watch one?

Now I know why he ask me to watch lah... Wah lau eh!?! Even News team also watch the prawns... Hosay!~

No Money for the Lao Jiao

2010-09-06T00:38:00.006+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

I read in the Straits Times our Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong announced got this National Service Recognition Award of S$ 9,000 for every national serviceman. Got money of course I am happy lah. But then I also understood that people who already MR liao got no chance, just like Adolf here...

Me? I still long way to go before ROD so I sure to get (at least some small part of) the sweet S$ 9,000... Show me the money!!!

Hosay!~

Wae Oh Wah Oh Wah Oh

2010-09-05T00:23:00.001+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

I think this one is the best Kit Kat advertisement, ever! I see the Ah Girl go "Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" very funny lah... Don't believe me, just watch for yourself lah... Hosay!~

How? I never bluff you right? Steady lah... Hosay!~

Man Replaces Girlfriend with Doll

2010-09-03T10:14:00.009+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Got this 50-year old Italian businessman cannot forget his ex-girlfriend; miss her so much then what to do?

(50-year old again... Wassup lah!?! Please see this and that posting on siao 50-year old businessmen)

If you miss your girlfriend very much, then maybe you watch the video you take with her (or of her); or maybe you see her photographs again and again and again... Teo boh?

But this guy is rich lah... Rich people don't do this kind of normal, expected things. Rich people are special one so what he did was this...

He took all the photographs of his ex-girlfriend and then he went to find an adult toymaker and told the toy maker "I want it just like her but with bigger boobs".

Wah... Not bad ah... He "got" back his girlfriend with upgrades some more... Hosay!~

You think I anyhow say one ah? This one is reported in Italy's Il Messaggero newspaper ok... The online reference can be found here.

Anyway, you think this is ordinary doll you buy from Carrefour or Giant ah? This doll is not S$ 39.95 or some cheap-cheap, made in third world country quality one ok? It is made out of state-of-the art space material hor...

The completed doll costs the lau ah peh business man US$ 18,000... Which is about S$ 25,000. If you think the doll is like those blow-up, full of air one, then you are wrong already ok?

This doll weighs 58kg and is about 1.6m tall and the doll-maker, Mr Bortolin said the doll is fully flexible and can take on any movement or position a human can. Steady right?

Maybe I should go and get one but before that, anybody can lend me S$ 25,000? I promise I will repay you one... Hosay!~

US Student who Electrocuted his Nipples Sues Teacher

2010-09-02T00:47:00.004+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Got one 18-year-old US student, Kyle Dubois, deliberately electrocuted himself during science class then his heart stopped.

He never die so now he is suing his teacher for not warning him it was dangerous.

See his ko teh face you already know he boh nao one lah...?

Dubois and his parents claim teacher Thomas Kelley did not tell him and other students of the dangers of the demonstration power cords in their electrical trades class.

Like this also need to say meh? Sibeh jialat...

Full story can be found here.

Philippines Mourns Monday's Hostage Victims

2010-08-25T17:55:00.008+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

I read this report on the Internet about the Philippines cheng hoo declare today, 25th August 2010, as a day of mourning for the death of 8 Hong Kong tourists who were killed in a tragic hostage crisis, which ended Monday in bloodshed.

Then I read AsiaOne Report and I can really see that the Philippines public is really sad about this episode lah...

You look at the expression of the police woman and you know that they are so sad that out of the 25 Hong Kong tourists, only 8 died... Still got 68% survive... Not to bad lah...

Even the uniformed police also come in to show their support. We must really admire them because the woo sim... Hosay!~

You see? Even the students also come and show their government support... Really hosay... We must all learn...

Sometimes I think: it's not their flesh and blood so they will not feel pain... Wah lau eh!?!

Also see EastSouthWestNorth Report for more details...

Philippines Hostage Crisis

2010-08-24T16:16:00.003+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Everywhere I go also got people talk about the Philppines Hostage Crisis. Then just now I go to the kopitiam, got one aunty turn on her iPhone and let her kawan-kawan sit next to her watch the YouTube clip. Her iPhone also not my iPhone... Watch is free one right? So, of course I also stand there and watch lah...

I never see the thing then nevermind... But I see already I kwee pat thor huey... You know in Chinese they say 一肚子气... Wah lau eh!?! Where got SWAT (Special Weapons and Tactics) teams so goondu one?

But I am sure the 200-strong Philippines SWAT team on duty that day got win many competitions against the Girl Guides in neighbouring countries. That was why they were so professional in handling the 1 lone gunman and 25 hostages on Monday, 23rd August 2010 in downtown Manila... Way to go SWAT team... Hosay!~

Here is the actual footage from YouTube:

After you watch the video, what you think? Steady right? It took the Philippines SWAT team 1 day long to end the stand off; I mean I think it would take the Green Berets like 5 minutes to end the whole episode so... Steady lah Philippines SWAT team... You very hosay!~

At the 51st second of the clip, you get to see a tuah pwee police officer (fatter than even me) trying to storm the tour bus... This shows that Philippines cheng hoo not prejudice against we all tuah pwee... Hosay!~

Then at the 1:06 mark, you get to see them stumbling on one another - proof that we are all human... Thank you Philippines SWAT team for telling us lesser humans we are not the only ones who are loon choon... Even humpty-dumpties make it to the SWAT team... Hosay!~

At the 1:11 mark, SWAT uncle teach all of us at home that it is very dangerous to point your gun at your buddy... Wait misfire how? Must attend song kah leh... Oops! Philippines no song kah one right? Hosay!~

From 1:47 to 2:02, you get to see the SWAT team showing you how NOT to throw a smoke grenade into a tour bus full of hostages - Kids, please... Don't try this at home ok? Can die one you know?

Then at the 2:05 mark, one of the SWAT team uncle demonstrates to us how NOT to throw a sledge hammer into a bus... Steady lah goondu!

Rest of the remaining video I too tulan to comment liao lah so you all just watch for yourselves lah... Wah lau eh!?!

Also see EastSouthWestNorth Report for more details...

Mitchell's Whores

2010-08-23T01:59:00.000+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Last time my teacher got teach me, "A picture is worth a thousand words"...

... Now I understand what she trying to teach me... Hosay!~

Mail Order Bride Pang Ah Peh Pway Kee

2010-08-22T01:20:00.000+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

What is wrong with these 50-year-old businessmen anyway?

Got one 50-year-old businessman, went to a casino, lost S$ 26 million then want to sue the casino for lending him money. Now in Johor Baru got another 50-year-old businessman kena conned because his 22-year-old Vietnamese don't want to marry him... Wah lau eh!?! Chin GY leh...

Anyway, this ghor chup hway Ah Peh, Lee Law Oh said he paid RM6,000 to a match-making agency, which then "delivered" her to him (the photo on the left is pai swee - for illustration purpose only ah...) but when she arrived at his house, she said she don't want to marry him... So he bo pian complain to Johor Baru MCA Youth chief Kua Song Tuck.

Another "Kua"... Maybe he is relative of my Facebook kawan-kawan Andrew Kua? Wait must post on Andrew's wall and ask him... Maybe he can introduce me some kang tau because just like Mr Lee Law Oh (not to be mistaken with Lee Law Soh), I also "really want to end my bachelor days as I don't want to die alone."

To see the actual AsiaOne report, in case you think Tulan Ming anyhow bluff people, click here...

Hosay!~

Lose S$26 Million is Casino's Fault

2010-08-21T00:06:00.007+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

I just come back from JB... Read this report on The Star newspaper about this rich Singaporean who lost S$ 26 million at the casino. Su liao nevermind, still want to sue the casino... Very sia sueh Singaporeans lah... He even say the casino never do homework properly and continued "loaning him a huge sum of money to gamble without first checking his financial position"... Wah lau eh!?! Like that also can ah?

Some more he say that "his girlfriend cried and begged the casino not to loan him any more money" but they still lend him. Where got so drama one? You think making God of Gamblers movie ah? Maybe that 50-year-old Ah Peh think he look like Chow Yuen Fatt... Like that maybe his girlfriend look like Zhang Min lah... Wah... Like that maybe can ask Jack Neo make gambling movie based on this story... Hosay!~

Like this kind of movie sure no horse run one... Even Li Nanxing and Zoe Tay also don't dare to compete, 甘拜下风 lose to Jack Neo and this unnamed uncle... Steady right?

Anyway, if you want to read the whole story, AsiaOne website also got the report here...

Hosay!~

Japan Guy Got another use for iPad

2010-08-20T23:45:00.005+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

My boss tell me the iPhone and the iPad is very tok kong... I thought he say-say only because he want to hao lian that he got the iPhone and the iPad bought from the Apple. Then today, guess what I saw on the AsiaOne website?

Got one Jepun-kia use his iPad and iPhone to eat the sushi... I really salute him ah... Buy so expensive things and use as crockery? Maybe he a bit cock-a-doodle-doo ah...

Now hosay lah... His iPhone now got the fish smell; later want to use to make phone call in the subway sure kena people give him the "one kind" look one. But then again hor, I think also not much of issue lah because Jepun-kia national pastime is use the Internet to surf for prawn lah so got the fish smell or not also nevermind lah... Hosay!~

English Lesson

2010-08-04T23:20:00.002+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

I got hear before English lesson for people to do business and basic conversation but this one really steady leh... Click on the video and you know what I mean...

English Translation

2010-08-04T22:57:00.004+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

The other day I MC so nothing to do then watch TV lah... I watch already really bo wei kong...

The subtitles really steady right? My mother see me laugh loud-loud ask me what happen, I also don't know how to answer her... Wah lau eh!?!

Singing Competition

2010-07-22T13:32:00.002+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

I just read this on AsiaOne website about this girl at this singing competition.. Aiyo... Just watch the clip and you know what I am trying to say lah...

After watching the clip, I still a bit blur-blur lah... All I want to know is how the girl can take off her bra so fast? No need to unhook the back meh? Maybe she can teach me a few tricks lah... Hosay!~

Ah Tiong Aunty Taking Aeroplane

2010-07-20T14:51:00.004+08:00

Wah leu eh!?!

Seven-early, eight-early take budget aeroplane kena Cheena aunty choot pattern. Actually I got nothing against Ah Tiong one but you see how she sit the aeroplane like her grandfather house, you see already sure tulan one...

First of all you hear the Aunty Ah Tiong talk about how she is first time take the Budget Airline...

Then she bring out one big plastic bag of Cheena ham and then another plastic bag of bread... Then she take out a plastic glove, steady-steady put the ham inside the low-tee and then make her Super Sub... Hosay!~

Eat low-tee then eat lor, must still how lian and tell the whole cabin that she eating low-tee... Chin GY leh...

Even her kawan-kawan also bueh tahan, tong bueh tiao her ah...

If I am her son, I think I also find a hole to hide... Wah lau eh!?!

POWER Satay

2010-06-16T00:45:00.004+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Pah tor yao thought want to go eat some satay at Simpang Bedok... Faster go then faster belek rumah... How I know when I reached Simpang Bedok got so many World Cup fans sit around chit-chat, discuss hang cheng... I think by the time they take my order, time for my grandchildren to go to 豆豆班 liao lah!

I really think that Singaporeans very good to kheng lor... Come to Simpang Bedok makan can also watch World Cup at the same time enjoy food. So steady right?

Some more if you want to shout "Goal!" also nobody will complain because all of them will be shouting "Goal!" with you! Only thing is that if you support different team from them then maybe......

Anyway... Simpang Bedok got the local pizza... Cheap and good lah... Hosay!~ Got so many things to eat, I also don't know what to order... In the end, I think I better go to the 7-Eleven buy two more bottles of Pink Dolphin so that I can get the free gift and then go home lah... Jia kah pwee liao later kup chai fuel consumption increase lah. Now economy bad so every drop of petrol counts lah... Bo pian lah... Hang cheng piah piah...

Chin GY leh...

Next Time You Want to Try this on Hawker Uncle, Think Twice

2010-06-14T01:45:00.004+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

How many of you got special order and do this when you go to a hawker stall?

On 30 September 2010 morning, Mr Chan Seng Chai went to Telok Blangah Drive Block 79 makan... He asked his wife to order a bowl of fishball noodles, chilli separated from his noodles and for his noodles to be cut.

When his wife told the hawker uncle, Sim Yong Ha, 66, of her requests, Uncle Sim grumbled. So Mr Chan confronted Uncle Sim with a plastic chair. Uncle Sim mai su lang so he grabbed a chopper from his stall to block the chair.

In the end, Uncle Sim chopped off Mr Chan's left hand thumb.

For more information, please read AsiaOne: "Hawker Gets Day's Jail for Slicing off Customer's thumb" by Vivien Chan.

So next time you want to be fussy with hawker uncle, you better 三思而后行... Mai hiam, chin chai also can eat lah... Hosay!~

Siao Lang at Holland V

2010-06-13T07:55:00.003+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Yesterday went to Holland Village to lim neng pueh with my kawan-kawan... Sekali about 3 am got one guy like kee siao like that run to the road tuah siah sueh siah jiang, see got car pass by then chase and kick... I think a bit chwee liao or boh hosay...

Mata-mata come he still fah fah tin... I think he very eh sai or very drunk lah... See police still can action-mak-mak, bueh kia see mah?

Anyway, got free show to watch of course I stay and see lor... Wait until police escort him away liao then I take my kup chai home...

Hosay!~

Bola Tak Boleh... Amoi Boleh

2010-06-11T09:04:00.000+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Today I can blog in my office because my boss kena fever... World Cup Fever... I think Argentina su liao so my boss a bit kuah bueh kwee so need to stay at home to rest lah. Like that I hosay because I can whole day Facebook, update blog and then later go and eat hay mee...

I am not a soccer fan lah but if got soccer like in 黃明志 MTV then I also want to join lah; win or lose nevermind... is how you play the bola-bola right?

Don't Get a Divorce... Get a Donut!

2010-05-27T19:05:00.004+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

I see this advertisement, I don't know want to laugh or cry... If all the relationship so easy kau tim then hosay liao lor! You watch the clip then you will know what I am talking about lah...

Donut Prince open only 23 hours in a day because they say they use the one hour to make donuts; I think they use the one hour to chou huei lah... I like the way the guy keep on soot bak at the camera like he want to do something naughty like that... Haha! Steady right?

So don't divorce... Get a donut or if you really very sian, can jio me go eat you char kway... Hosay!~

Lunch @ MacDonalds

2010-05-27T14:15:00.004+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Today I do my dispatch until no time to eat. But then I remember this YANG girl got tell me what MacDonalds got lunch time offer - S$ 4.50 for a set meal so I try lor... Bo chee mm zai mah...

When I reached MacDonalds, wah lau eh!?! I saw this person standing there ordering I almost drop my motorcycle helmet ah!

So the counter staff, when they greet this customer, do they say, "Good afternoon Sir" or "Good afternoon Madam"? I really pity them leh... Pai tan lah...

On second thoughts, I think I better go outside hawker centre and find something to eat better... Hosay!~

Online Dating Site

2010-05-26T14:45:00.003+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

I know that nobody will ever fall in love with me one... All the nice girls are either married or lesbian so I bo pian lor, listen to my friend and then go and join online dating service. Today I received an e-mail from the Online Dating Service. See below...

I still think it's the dinosaur that give me the highest marks. What do you people think? Help me choose leh... My 终身幸福 is in your hands lah... Hosay!~

KL Girls are Good

2010-05-21T12:18:00.004+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

In the words of Namewee, KL eh char bor ho ho yeh... If you don't believe, please check out his latest MTV lah then you will know that KL girls or the girls that are in KL are very kau lat (够力) one!

So how? Who want to join me for a trip up to KL? I think next Friday is public holiday, must faster-faster take leave for Super Long Weekend lah... Hosay!~

Peter Chao Talks about Angry Lexus Girl

2010-04-27T18:32:00.000+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Remember my post about angry Singaporean Lexus girl? She is so famous that Peter Chao who is in Canada also got something say about her. Check it out!

Late for Work

2010-04-27T10:00:00.001+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

This morning lang gah lah... hai see nim peh late for work... I hope my boss today also late so he won't tekan me.

Anyway, I hope nobody seriously injured lah. Sorry I make fun of them lah; I hope they will have a better week ahead.

Club Strawberry @ Circular Road

2010-04-20T20:08:00.003+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

The other day I do dispatch until quite late then I saw this place at Circular Road... Happening sia...

Some more The New Paper got say that this is the first Cosplay-themed KTV pub in Singapore... Sibeh hosay leh... Too bad I got bo kau lui (not enough money) or I sure to stay until closing time at 2am one... Confirm lah... Hosay!~

Best Anti-Virus for 2010

2010-04-17T21:25:00.003+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Last October got people ask me which computer brand is best; Now got kawan-kawan ask me which Anti-Virus to use so that their computer go to - red and yellow and pink and green... Purple and orange and blue - any kind of web site also won't kena any virus?

I tell all my kawan-kawan that now anti-virus is not enough. We must go one step further and use Anti-Virus with Internet Security. So what brand to use?

Isn't the answer obvious? So what are you people waiting for? Christmas or Santa Claus? Hurry up and go and get one now lah... Hosay!~

Rechargeable Torchlights

2010-04-15T11:22:00.004+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

You ever kena your car breakdown or in the middle of the night, you need to find something but it is too dark? You find a torchlight but the battery mati liao... So how? See how the ang mors do it lah...

It is a good idea right? You go and try ah... I better go home watch TV... Hosay!~

Who Wants to go Kovan for Prata?

2010-04-14T15:00:00.002+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Looks like Kovan area also very happening now, got many flowers to see... Sometimes you feed your stomach, must also consider to feed your eyes mah... Tio boh?

So who want to jio me for prata?

For more, please see AsiaOne Report here... Hosay!~

I Miss Uncle Muthu

2010-04-09T22:36:00.002+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

I miss my Uncle Muthu lah so I will share with all my kaki a video montage of dear Uncle Muthu... Hosay!~

Aiyoyo... Uncle Muthu now holiday in India... I miss him lah...

How to Upset Your Ex-boyfriend

2010-04-07T13:48:00.005+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Before you people come and tell me that it is actually an advertisement for "The Perfect C", a drug sold in Hong Kong, I want to say that I already know but I still think this is a very good way to make your ex-boyfriend tulan... Haha!

For all of you who cannot understand Cantonese, here's the translation:

Ng Kai Seng, you cheapskate, listen to what I have to say...

Since we got together, we always eat AA meal (HK slang for splitting the cost of a meal) which I don't mind but whenever we are home, you always say that I only have an AA cup. You even broke up with me because of my figure.

On 11 Feb 2010, three months after our break-up, I want to tell you that in these three months, I have changed...

(Unzips her top to expose her cleavage...)

There! Take a good look... I am now a C cup... C !!! You can call me anything (you want), but you can no longer say that I am A cup. Most importantly, you will never have any chance to touch them again.

Any girls out there want to try? Hahaha... Hosay!~

You Want to Buy?

2010-04-07T00:01:00.000+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

I am not talking about the xiao mei mei lah... I am asking if you want to buy China brand OEM iPad lah! You people don't like that lah... All so hum sup... Tsk tsk tsk... :P

You think my blog is LTK site is it?

Please lor... My blog got a bit of standard one ok? Hahaha!

Anyway, anything you can do, China can sure do better.

Teo boh?

Hosay!~

Channel 8 News Happening = Die Die Must Watch!

2010-04-06T22:17:00.004+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Now I know why my manager always rush back to watch TCS 8 6.30 pm news lah! Last time newscasters all local uncle, aunty but now the job also given to Foreign Talents. One good example is Miss Wang Zheng (王征) from China.

Miss Wang must be very cold or not wearing her sah kia because can see her poo toh kuah - so obvious leh... Like this kind of talented newscaster, I only got one thing to say...

Hosay!~

Who Want to Learn English?

2010-04-01T22:52:00.000+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Who want to learn English? Come come come... Let Wen Fang Jie Jie teach you lah... Hosay!~

Going Bananas?

2010-03-27T13:46:00.005+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Everybody also got online blog... Got blog for fashion, got blog for movies... Now got blog to teach us how to cakup Malayu... Steady right? Don't you just love the Internet and Youtube? Why Tulanming never do video blog also? Because somethings better to read than to hear and Tulanming don't have nice voice like Peter Chao...

So the next time you go to a hawker centre, are you going to "WOW!" the food stall aunty with your bombastic Malay or just order Goreng Pisang?

Ho Ho Hosay!~

Peter Chao is Everywhere

2010-03-26T12:43:00.003+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

This Peter Chao is everywhere lah... He even got act in Twilight saga leh... So happening lah! All the ang mor actors how to fight against him? Peter Chao is a natural actor who is full of feeling... Hosay!~

I Want to Buy Handphone

2010-03-10T12:58:00.005+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Now everywhere I go also got people use iPhone... Even the sao tor kah aunty also using iPhone so I also must upgrade lah! I go to Starhub, M1 and SingTel but everywhere also like siao lang like that... Service also not as good as the service in Hong Kong handphone shop. If you don't believe me then you click and watch... Sibeh ho liao...

How? Song boh? I never bluff you right?

Hosay!

New Year Song from Namewee

2010-02-14T14:06:00.003+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Happy New Year to all my kakis... Hope you huat huat huat in the Year of the Tiger but remember that lao hor sio kan, zee pia teo kau... Here's a New Year song from Namewee... Please listen until the end... Confirm you won't regret one...

Told you was nice right? Hosay!~

Super Mario Nails

2009-11-02T18:05:00.004+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

I don't know which is scarier lor... The girl's hands or the Super Mario nails? You decide for yourself...

If your girlfriend had nails like this, what would you do? Give her a mushroom or call Uncle Luigi for help? Haha!

What Computer to Buy to Bluff Children?

2009-11-01T16:33:00.002+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

Just saw this on the Internet... Can buy this to pian gee nah (bluff children) or if your girlfriend like Hello Kitty then this is a must-have item lor...

Actually this is a working model developed by a Korean company called Moneual, don't believe me can check out their web site. Hosay!~

If You Got Nothing Better to Do...

2009-10-31T17:13:00.003+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

If you got nothing better to do, maybe you want to join Singapore's famous blogger Xiaxue go around tasting food from choot miah (famous) stalls and compare it with neighbourhood stalls and see if they are really 名不虚传 or maybe they are just 浪子虚名 teo boh?

So what you think after watching the clip? Stating the obvious right? Hosay!~

TNB equals to......

2009-10-29T13:13:00.001+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

One of my favourite kawan-kawan Namewee from Muar, Malaysia, do Taiwan-style interview and rap on TNB - Malaysia electric company. The video clip is in Malay, Chinese, Hokkien and Cantonese - just nice most of my kawan can understand... Hosay!~

I Want to be a Road Sweeper Too!

2009-10-28T23:16:00.006+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

China got this 59-year-old road sweeper called Zhang Tiande every day drive big car to work. He so famous that China Daily got report about him.

Road sweeper also can afford to drive big car, like that I also resign my job as karung guni man and become road sweeper. Hosay!~

HP is Number One!

2009-10-27T21:22:00.007+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

The other day we all sit in the kopitiam drink kopi then got one of my kawan say Windows 7 come out already, ask what brand laptop is best?

Got some say Lenovo bagus, got others say Acer ho liao... some say that Dell most power.

Everybody say their own recommendation is the best until one of my kawan-kawan show us his HP notebook.

Wah!!!

My ang mor boss got say before, "a picture tells a thousand words..."

In the end, everybody agree that HP is Number One... Hosay!~

One Way to Instant Fame

2009-10-26T00:26:00.004+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

I don't know Miss Tracy "Sunshine" Ang (please see previous post); got some people say she camwhore, purposely hiao kah chng let people take photo of zao geng. Also got some people say that she is very professional girl and maybe she is too 投入 that she forgot herself.

I was browsing the Intetnet and then I read about this Japanese singer, Asuka who er... Just see the photo below and you know what I mean already.

She very steady right? Skirt go up, her popularity (and other things that I will not mention) will also shoot up. Hosay!~

Desperately Seeking Husband

2009-10-25T10:19:00.010+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

You people don't read the title then think I am gay or I am desperate lah... I am talking about this girl "advertising" herself on a wooden bridge last Wednesday in Kaifeng, China.

Before you buy plane ticket from Jetstar (now got offer... if you don't believe, can check with Joanne Peh) and fly to Kaifeng, China, please check if you can pass her two conditions first; not everybody can try one. You think what!?!

Miss Jin Xing, 22, who is originally from Henan, got set two conditions: the guy must be below 50 years old and must have at least RMB6 mil (S$ 1.22 mil). If your bank account pah pah maybe can try or else better balek kampong.

Wearing a pink see-through costume, she displayed a banner bearing these words: 钓情郎 (fishing for lover) in front of her.

She still steady-steady put her hand phone number on the banner to make it easier for her prospective husband. She was accompanied by another woman dressed like a servant in the old imperial era; her face away from the camera so cannot tell if she chio or not.

Jin Xing say, "Age is not very important ... If he is rich but old, I will still consider..." gong lai gong kee is about money. For more information, please read full article on AsiaOne web site... Hosay!~

Interesting Signs

2009-10-24T21:29:00.000+08:00

Wah lau eh!?!

I thought my English very jia lat but looking at these signs, I think I not that jia lat lah... Hosay!~